No! You don't need to avert your gaze, there are no pictures of me in a swimsuit here. I really wouldn't want to upset you.
But in a week, I will be on holiday.
A long awaited, much anticipated holiday.
And I'm sulking, a little.
Let me explain.
Last year when I was at Weight Watchers I followed the plan steadily. I lost about a pound a week. I did it slowly and sensibly. I worked out what I could and should not eat. I exercised regularly. I felt good and I looked good too. I lost about 35 pounds and regained self esteem, low cholesterol and a rather expensive habit for clothes shopping in the process.
Now, quite often lifetime members would come to the meetings. Many of them would have regained some of the weight they lost, and I, smug in my ivory tower built of iron determination and total focus would sit and judge them.
I'm not proud of that.
I'd think: "It's not difficult. Losing is the hard part. How could you go back to your old ways when the new way is just so good?"
Well pride goeth before a fall.
My ivory tower crumbled a while ago.
I've regained at least 4, no 6, ok, 8 pounds that I lost.
There are multiple excuses for that. All would be perfectly acceptable I guess.
And no one has said anything to me about it. I'm pretty sure they've noticed though. My skinny jeans certainly have!
But the thing is, for me, being within a healthy weight range isn't just about looking good. It's about feeling good and truthfully, it's about being a good role model for my children.
I hate sitting on the couch and feeling my "rolls' settle in around me.
On Saturday I got on the scales and felt really despondent. And in my head a little voice said, "You might as well just keep eating the way you are, and then once you get back from holiday you can do something about it."
I considered it.
Briefly.
And then I got really cross.
Because it was a challenge to me.
So I started eating properly again. It will take a while for me to get back into my healthy rhythms again. But it took me a long time to lose the weight last time and it will take a long time again for me to settle back into the that pattern again. I know it will be hard to eat healthily on holiday, but at the very least I will be conscious of what I put into my mouth.
So I'm sulking.
Because I won't look great in a swimming costume next week.
But for that,
I have no one to blame but myself.
But when I get back, I am starting running training again and I have this little matter of the wedding to look forward to. And I am going to fit into a stunning outfit for that.
I'm thinking something wildly inappropriate, designed to really irritate the mother of the bride.
Leopard print, with hot pink trimming and transparent.
No?