I stress
Alot.
I try not to worry, and have put systems in place to help ease my worries. Yoga, running, deep breaths etc.
Yes, I know it doesn't help, so I thought I'd share my current worries, and maybe, if not make them go away, maybe just put them down for a short while and relax.
1) I return to work full time in a week for a few weeks. I am gut churningly anxious about this. Not the work, not juggling the needs and wants of my children, or the more pressing issue of having nothing to wear......
No I am worried because I used to have the "perfect" job. On paper it was amazing.
I walked away from it holding onto my sanity by a thread.
I have always been a passionate advocate on behalf of victims of bullying. Unfortunately in this workplace I became a victim. When I realised that taking beta blockers before work in order to be able to get through the day was becoming the "norm." I quit.
I look back now and I am proud of having the courage to leave. I am proud that I rebuilt myself stronger, braver and more circumspect. And I marvel at the irony, that my children could one day be educated by this person...over my dead body!
So this new job. It looks perfect. But so did the other one.
2) It's the economy stupid! I worry for my husband. I worry that even though the field he is in is relatively immune from this crisis, that, well, it might not be. I don't want to have to move to Dubai for a couple of years. Yes I know the shopping is great. But I like our lives here. I keep reminding myself though, that as long as we are together, then we will be ok.
3) I have a family member I adore. They are not as robust as they like to think they are and I constantly fret about them and their wellbeing.
Seriously, having started this list I could keep typing all day. But the one thing I keep hearing in the back of my mind is: "Have a thought, and let it go."
So for now, just this moment in time.
I will.