I should have RSVP'd to my friend's sons birthday party today.
But I haven't.
I can't seem to make my fingers dial the numbers.
I also needed to keep track of my spending, DH even installed a cute little gizmo on my phone so I could do it when I was actually out shopping.
Guess who had to sit down at lunchtime totting up a loooonnnggg list of receipts so it would all be done for THE MEETING tonight?
I know I should have been more patient with Mr J and Miss B when we did "lesson time" today.
I know I shouldn't have had an afternoon snack today, oh, fine then, if I am being honest, SEVERAL snacks this afternoon!
I know I shouldn't be here blogging right now. I should be mopping up the sand Mr L traipsed through the house a little while ago.
I know all this.
Actually I knew all this at the time several events took place.
So time for a little self examination.
Why am I deliberately sabotaging the dregs of a friendship?
Why am I deliberately sabotaging my good spending plans, eating habits etc that I have worked so hard to put in place?
Plain old fatigue.
I haven't had an unbroken nights sleep in weeks.
But I wouldn't change that for anything.
Because at the end of the day. All these things are fixable, the friendships, myself, the tasks I have to do.
But nothing,
nothing,
scares away the frightening shadows, monsters, teething goblin
better than me.
And nobody can wipe the tears away and murmur the soothing words they need to hear better than me.
They trust me.
They know.

ETA: Floors mopped.
Children bathed and fed a nutritious dinner.
Checked points on afternoon snacking, turns out diet and coke and parmesan stuffed olives are not too deadly after all!
Friend texted and told kids will be coming to party.
Yes texted.
Don't judge me too harshly...like one of Carrie's b/fs on SATC said "I'm not ready for voice on voice contact yet."