OK it’s safe to read my blog again. I don’t have any more tales of horror to tell.

Apart from when I jumped off the top of a burning building into a tub of honey with a child under each arm and survived the fall only to see the children be torn apart by a Kodiak bear - but that’s for another day.

As I mentioned - we have gone European with our bedding. As we cannot get the right sized linen for our beds here I lashed out last week and bought our Doonas. Now I don’t really know what these are called but they could be Bettwӓschen.

We now have two on our bed - in the fashion of Europeans who do not like to share Doonas with their loved ones. Lives yes - Doonas no.

This is not necessarily a bad thing because my beloved and I have totally different thermostats and have never at any stage been warm or cold simultaneously.

The downside is that it does provide the opportunity for a small but perfectly formed and plump black cat to get under the Bettwӓschen and claw toes.

Now Europeans apparently do not have a top sheet. They lie between the Bettwӓschen and the bottom sheet. I bought what I thought was a bottom fitted sheet - and it is supposedly the right size for the mattress - but it does not really fit and I have just had to stuff the edges under the mattress. It also has some fitted edges but some straight bits. It is indeed a very strange piece of material.

I will need some professional advice on this and will consult a local.

I was intrigued to learn (I intrigue easily) that Ms Paris Hilton has hooked up with a charity called "Songs for Soldiers" which aims to provide every American service member in active duty in Afghanistan or Iraq, with a MP3 music player.

Paris was named the celebrity ambassador for the organization and said that once the goal is reached that she hopes to be part of a trip overseas to deliver the music players.

Each player will be pre-loaded with a number of songs from artists that have donated their music.

This raises a number of issues in my tiny but curious mind.

Would there be an American service member anywhere on the planet who does not already have an MP3 player?

Are there really not much more pressing things for a ‘charity’ to do than to provide American service members with what will certainly be a second or third MP3 player?

Will this not totally destroy the market for second hand MP3 players in the dusty markets and bazaars of far flung towns all over the planet?

Is there not something more useful that a woman with the prodigious talent of Ms Hilton could do with her time and energy?

Would she not be better - for example - paddling around the Gulf of Mexico on a Li-Lo with a mop and bucket?

I think this little vignette perfectly encapsulates the state of play in the world in which we currently reside.

I can imagine an old soldier reading this story, staring thoughtfully out into his garden at his rose beds and his manicured lawn. He reaches for the small brass key he keeps in his fob pocket and opens his desk drawer. Taking out his Webley Service Revolver he checks that the chambers are full and lays the gun on the desk - where it glints dully in the late afternoon sun.

So this is what it has come down to he thinks as he carefully folds the Guardian - leaving Ms Hilton's photo face up - and drains the last drop of Earl Grey from his Wedgwood Peter Rabbit cup.

He throws the cup into the fireplace where it shatters - the last few drops of Earl Grey sizzling on the grate - and reaches for the Webley