This is secret footage of the Azzurri at training.

viennesewaltz has said that I have not yet talked about the World Cup. Well - to be honest - I think the World Cup is about as important as the Olympics or Wimbledon - i.e. not very.

It determines who plays well over a period of days or weeks, gets a few breaks, gets lucky - and at the end of the day is the Champion du Monde.

In the Olympics some strange things can happen. Less so in football. There are only, say, eight teams out for the 32 that can get to the final. Perhaps I favor Deutschland because of where I live.

BUT.......I don’t really care much who wins - AS LONG AS IT IS NOT ITALY.

I hate the Italian Football Team (and so does Lenny)

I hate them because they cheat – a lot. In the last World Cup Australia nearly made it to the Quarter Finals and in the game against Italy held them to a draw.

In the last minute of play an Italian player took a dive to get a penalty - which was awarded - and Italy won the game. The Italian Cheating Diving Team then won the World Cup.

At this stage we were living in Leichhardt in Sydney - which is Sydney’s ‘Little Italy’ and where the shops and restaurants and lots of people are Italian - and where you can walk down the streets and hear both old and young people talking in Italian.

We were watching the games on a big screen in the main street and the crowd went wild. WILD! for ITALY!

It was shocking to realize that your neighbors would FYO to win a game of football - but it is THAT important to them.

Naturally I wrote immediately to the Minister for Immigration and pointed out that we had hordes of traitors amongst us. He did NOTHING! They are all still there.

But now I understand that Italians will always be Italian football fans no matter how long ago they left their homeland. And they will always want their team to win - and it doesn’t matter how.

My research since then has shown that the Italians are probably the worst cheats in world football - but that their fans expect them to cheat - because winning is the ONLY thing that counts.

The statistics from that World Cup show that they were awarded the most number of fouls (i.e. they dived more than anyone else).

Indeed – the former Premier of NSW – Morris Iemma – himself of Italian origins - said that after that particular game he bought a book about why Italians are born to cheat at football. Yes - there are books on this subject. In fact there may be a whole library.

As punishment for what the Italians did to Australia last time I have put a curse on the Azzurri. (I and I am really sorry I have had to do this because I know some lovely Italians).

You may think this is a case of overkill because it will have a dramatic effect on so many Italian footballs fans – but I was REALLY unhappy about what they did to Australia.

The curse involves candles, duck feathers a cork and rubber gloves and I won’t go into too many sordid details but it absolutely guarantees that Italy will not make it past the Quarter Finals. This is a safe bet – you can put money on it.

And incidentally. The prize for most fatuous statement of the month (year?) goes to UN Chief Ban Ki-moon who

‘has hailed the prospect of a first World Cup on African soil as a ''triumph for humanity'' which will generate hope among poorer nations.’

What nonsense. The World Cup is awarded to nations and continents on the basis of how much Sepp Blatter and his immensely corrupt FIFA cronies can screw out of them - either in the form of votes or money.

The UN Chief should focus on what he does best - hand wringing during wars, famines, crises and catastrophes.