Yesterday was the Memorial Mass for my grandmother. It was really lovely. Being surrounded my family; all my siblings had flown in for the mass, my children were well behaved and I really felt as though my gran would have loved it just the way it was.
It honoured her in a simple yet meaningful way. And I really felt her presence.
The thing was,
my black pants didn't fit me.
I had to wear what I call my fatty pants, they are similar to my other ones but a size up.
At Christmas the small ones fitted like a glove.
I suspect too much festive fare, comfort eating and not paying attention are the cause of it all.
So for the next 28 days this is my eating plan.
1) Breakfast: porridge and golden syrup
2) mid morning: skim cap
3) lunch: 2 rice paper rolls stuffed with healthy things/sushi roll made with my own fair hands
4) afternoon: diet coke
5) dinner of choice but no carbs, lots of salad with it.
5) evening snack: half tub low fat yoghurt.

Exercise: 3 hours of yoga a week and one long walk with baby in stroller.
In case you think me too shallow for words, the truth is I am sadder about my Gran than I thought I would be. Me making weight loss programmes is designed to keep me busy. It's also because with my new project, I want to lose the last couple of kilos before "trying" begins because God knows, it's insanely hard for me to shift afterwards.
My Gran's death was totally expected, it has been for years, she had more NDE's than any human should, but now the void I expected to be created has been, I am left realising that it will never be filled.
I walk round shopping centres and see little old ladies and realise they all belong to someone, and yet no little old lady belongs to me anymore......