During a chat with a girlfriend recently she asked me if I: "was done" A little taken aback I replied that truthfully I wasn't sure.
By done, we were of course, referring to having children. Our chat got me thinking about the often times painful subject of having/not having children and how do you know you are done?
Because I honestly don't. Right now I know I couldn't cope with another baby, but the thought of not having the option to maybe, just maybe have one later, hurts my heart.
I think having had three children under the age of five was a huge challenge, for me at least. Whilst I coped at the time, I like the idea of having a baby when the others a bit older and "being in the moment" with parenthood a bit more.
That said, the demands of my children are increasing with age so truthfully I can't say if we will ever add to our family, or if it's just a little fantasy I like to indulge in from time to time.
Let me also say I know how lucky I am to have my three. I know some people would see me as greedy for wanting more. I blame my genes. One side of my family were Irish peasant farmers so the need to have many offspring  is definitely a by product of my heritage. That, and the fact that I LOVE babies.

A fellow blogger is in the mire right now waiting to see if she can even "start" her much longed for family, while yet another is now writing her story from the perspective of living her life child free, after years of trying to start a family. I guess those are two stories from the opposite ends of the spectrum.
I know there are people who are happy with their one child and equally there are those who just keep having them, like the Duggar family. Equally, sometimes there are babies that come along despite taking every precaution known to man.
What I'm curious about is, when do you know your family is complete? Is the desire for more children gone? Are there outside circumstances that essentially make the decision for you so its taken out of your hands? Is it the children you have the make you decide that for whatever reason it wouldn't be fair to have more?
Are you done?
How do you know?
Will I know?

I felt I had to put this post up, especially after reading this post from Jill http://averittbabyjourney.blogspot.com/2009/01/rest-of-story.html because it is important to balance the good with the bad.
Without the loss of this friendship:(see previous post)
I would never have discovered so many amazing woman in the blogging world.
I would never have regained contact with Carly,http://scarletriver26.blogspot.com/ a former student, who in so many ways, has become a teacher to me.
I would never have received beautiful pictures honouring my baby brother with his name in the sand.
I also need to share this story.
Shortly after I joined Weight Watchers I met a beautiful woman at it. She only needed to lose half the weight I did. She was a gentle, quiet lady, who in many ways reminded me of my friend.
Once, I mentioned a particularly sleepless night with my youngest, and her eyes welled with tears.
"Oh I would love to have that." she said. "I would love to have someone wake me at night, needing me."
As chance would have it, she was on the same journey as my old friend.
Because I wasn't a work colleague, or a friend at that time, she confided in me, and because I had learnt so much by then, I understood.
I listened.
We ended up becoming great friends. We walk together each weekend, we share stories.( We both talk longingly of food, especially our shared passion for nachos and chocolate and how many points it all is!) I was there for her when two rounds of IVF failed, and I was the second person (after her husband of course!) she told when the third round worked.
We will share stroller walks together when her baby is born later this year (Please God).
So the loss of this friendship has opened up a great deal more to me.
It has also taught me not to ask friends of a similar age if they are planning on starting a family, because chances are, if they haven't already, then they are probably having problems and don't want to talk about it. If they do, they will. But if they don't mention it, then I have learned to be sensitive enough not to ask.
I have made peace with myself.
My yoga instructor said I have journeyed a long way in the past year, he has seen me not only find balance physically ( he has seen me transform down several dress sizes and become alot more flexible in the process!) but mentally I am calmer and more focused.
I will go to the party of course.
Because I know what it means to be a friend.

This week a birthday party invite arrived in the mail for my children.