Badger and Cate. Red Square.

Cate came home early on Friday because Wien was placed on alert as huge snow falls were expected in the city. Of course it immediately stopped snowing and instead we got rain. This proves what we already knew – that weather forecasting is an imprecise art the world over.

Sissi is very disappointed because I had promised her at least 20 Centimeters of snow - in which she just loves to play.

The Stadtpark Duck Pond is no longer frozen over and there is now lots of open water but there is no sign of the Swan which Merisi saw late last week.

I have been watching the grit catastrophe unfold in Britain. BBC News has reported almost nothing else – but as there are 24 hours to fill and not much to fill them with – we get the same news every hour.

Anyway the story is that there has been so much snow and ice that the local authorities are running out of grit for the roads. Now I think grit is salt – it looks like salt – but I will need someone to nail that down for me. Perhaps Maalie – he is in the thick of it.

There was (so they thought) plenty of grit but supplies are running short and apparently – according to many – and particularly the Opposition Parties – this is a national scandal, is the result of poor planning, shows complete disregard for the Proletariat and is possibly a plot to bring down the Monarchy.

It is certainly a ‘grit-gap’ and is rapidly heading towards ‘grit-gate’. BBC reporters report breathlessly from next to ‘dwindling piles of grit’ or from roads which are suffering from grit-lack. Emergency supplies are being imported urgently for Europe (the banner under the story said ‘Britain imports ice from Germany’ but I am sure they meant grit).

People have been stealing grit! Good Grief! There is nothing lower than a grit thief (except the Russian bastard who stole my camera!).

People in the street have been interviewed. Not surprisingly - none of them is in favour of running out of grit.

I feel compelled to do something. I may encourage President to start a ‘Grit Lend Lease Program’ to get Britain backs on its wheels. I may start a 'Grit for Britain’ campaign – although I am not sure Austria would be absolutely the best place to do this.

On a happier note the Temporary Prime Minister, Gordon Brown has said that there is ‘no chance that Britain will run not of gas or heating oil’. This is a clear sign that people should start chopping up their furniture or be out in the woods with axes.

Cate and Gwenyth went to Schönbrunn on Sunday. This was Cate’s first visit. I have still not been and said that if I did go it would impede my progress towards making Spicy Lentil Soup for dinner. This was the show stopper for Cate so I was let off the hook.

Look I am sure it is just lovely – but it’s the middle of winter, it’s cold, the city is covered with slush, I have seen more palace and castles in the last year that most other people see in a lifetime (and I can tell you that they are pretty much all the bloody same) and we have just been in St Petersburg for a week.

In between watching the grit saga unfold over some days I came upon a truly weird thing. Something upon which I have never come before. It is called ‘tractor pulling’. I chanced upon the competition being held in Ohio and hosted by the Ohio State Tractor Pullers Association.

I watched this for a while and saw very powerful and strange looking machines drag large lumps of something (I couldn’t really work out what) along the ground as far or as fast as they can (I am not sure about the rules). To do this they span their wheels and spurted gouts of flame and smoke while people held their hands over their ears. I saw Judgment Day.

Being by nature inquisitive I had a quick look at the Internet to discover that there are tractor pullers and competitions all over the world. I am astonished that I have reached my vast age – and know so much trivia – and not know about tractor pulling. How could this be?

It appears to be a spectacular waste of time, energy, resources and money so of course is the ideal recreational activity for people who like smoke, flames and noise. (They are probably Republicans and use minced owls for fuel).