Shopping for Reg Grundies and other Dilemmas.

I had to go shopping today in my once a year Woog Family undie replacement program. Mr Woog may not have even bothered wearing undies lately, they were so full of holes. And poor Jack is 5 and wearing size 3 undies. Anyway, details aside, we needed undies. Reg Grundies. Stat.

I called Mr Woog on the way to the shops and asked him what size he was. He told me 3XL in the front and Small at the back. I told him he was an idiot and it was not too late to get an annulment if I found the right lawyer.

I was very focused on my undie buying spree and I went to the place that customer service forgot. Myer at Chatswood, where I was actually yelled at for swiping my card instead of inserting the chip.

While I was there, I decided to do a little window shopping. I did not need anything, just having a look around. I was drawn to all things leopard print, even through The Divine Ms M had recently gone through my closet and made me promise I would not buy anything else that had leopard print on it. I swear I am a long lost relative of Jackie Collins. Or Charlie Brown.


And speaking of Charlie Brown, I walked past her store and a beautiful silk kaftan kind of threw itself into my hands. I looked around for the owner. I saw that it was on sale and I felt sorry for it. So I bought it. And I have absolutely not place to wear it. But it was not leopard print.

I may or may not have eaten a cheeseburger.

Then I walked to the car feeling guilty about the Kaftan and the cheeseburger when I saw this in the Country Road window. And my heart stood still. It may be slightly leopard print but it was 100% Love.

Country Road Fluffy Faux you Naux you Haux.


Except this is what it would look like on me, if I looked like this chick. I hate the rest of that outfit though. And I am also sporting a slightly different physique. I think I should have given HER the cheeseburger.



So apart from this vest making my ta-tas look more enormous than usual, please tell me why I should not purchase this. Meow.

· Charlie Brown, Joan Collins, Leopard Print Kaftans

High Tea with Mrs Woog

My mum just turned (insert number here) and instead of throwing herself her traditional large party to celebrate, she decided she would take her kids and grand kids to the Gold Coast in Queensland.


Now the Gold Coast can probably best be described as Las Vegas by the Aussie Sea. And because my mum does not do things by halves (god love her) she booked us all into a resort which I just did not think had enough water features. I also think she did not want to be in NSW when they announced that Fatty O'Barrell was the new boss. But that is a whole other blog post.


I know it looks all very relaxing, but I did mention that all the kids came, didn't I?


As part of the 3-day festivities, which saw all the sons-in-laws at the local pub when there was any chance of escape, Mum took me and my sisters over the road to Palazzo Versace for high tea. Which is apparently what all the rich Asian tourists do, as well as a loud bunch of Sydney Sisters and their Amex toting mum.


Some of the subtle decorating at the Palazzo Versace.

I had declared that if we were indeed going to go and drop a shit load of mum's cash on a cup of tea we needed to do it in a style that Gianni Versace would not totally roll in his grave over. The key words where black, titty, leopard print and gold, represented well here by Mrs Ryan and younger sister Painefull. We did not let Mum in on the style notes. She wore red.

A most generous and youthful Mrs Woog's Mumma. "One lump or two?"


By this stage is was going on 4pm which in NSW was 5pm and that meant, in my books, Wine Time. So we ordered a bottle of champers to sip while we ate.



It is amazing what a glass of icy cold champers will do to a gal on an empty stomach...



Mrs Ryan, my older sister, doing the titty, slightly pissed and black look.


My younger sister Ms Lawyer doing a shove-it-in look while Mrs Ryan photo-bombs her. Again.


Last year I purchased a full length leopard print kaftan with gold sequined trim which a dear friend told me, when she saw it "Choose leopard print OR sequins, Not both on the same garment" and I agreed with her. But it made it's debut on the Gold Coast. Because it is the only place I could get away with it.



And I could get away with it because the local shops had outfits like this one in the window.



And in conclusion may I add, Queenslanders and the friendliest bunch of people I have ever met. No one raised an eyebrow at our antics at Palazzo Versace and two of the girls who worked in the boutique there came rushing up to me to tell me how much they loved my kaftan. Which makes me think I should have ripped it off then and there and given it to them.


But I secretly love that kaftan and I secretly loved the Gold Coast. So I think my OTT chiffon number may get a run again in the future.


And I do not so secretly love my Mum. Happy Birthday Gorgeous! xx

· Champers and Soggy sandwiches, I hope they do not mind, I know there is a fashion brand called High Tea with Mrs Woo and I totally stile the blog title, Leopard Print Kaftans, Palazzo Versace

-