American Cemetery Colleville-sur-Mer

In response to Annie’s comment.

Whilst it is true that America is the Elephant in the corner we are hoping that it is a far off corner and that we will remain for some time blissful and undisturbed in our peaceful nest in Vienna.

Peaceful for me anyway – Cate’s life is bit more hectic but some one has to do it and it is certainly not going to be me – I gave at the office already.   

Indeed it is our fervent hope that we cannot go to America at all - although I am struggling to think what the reasons could be for this happy event not taking place.

Not that I would not wish to join my American Blogger friends in their wonderful homeland. It is just that it is not – at the moment – the most attractive option in front of us.

I mean I have been to Duckyanapolis and it is a lovely town. It is quiet and…well…very quiet. It has some nice steak restaurants and some shopping malls. It  has a Cinnabon so I can suicide by heart attack if the need arises. On the bright side it has Einstein Bros Bagels.

Unfortunately it is also stuffed full of god fearing Republicans so Cate and I could become fairly conspicuous and will have to keep a very low profile.

There is an Atheist Society so provided we leave the house in our 40 Tonne Koala Crusher each Sunday carrying our AK 47s (with Glock side arms) and some Tea Party banners we can pretend to be going to church and can actually just go off to a meeting with other Atheists and talk about something useful - like why America does not have Global Warming. 

If we are caught of course it will be tar and feathers all round – if not burning crosses on our front lawn. 

Barbecues may be a problem but I remember quite a bit from the bible and one of the things I learned from working with Christian organizations is that if you shout ‘Praise the Lord’ occasionally it will get you through a multitude of difficult situations.

But let’s not even think about that scenario. If the worst happens I can probably get myself banned from the USA by learning some Arabic and shouting anti-American slogans through the fence at the US Embassy. 

Perhaps – ‘Obama is a Muslim Marxist Criminal and was not born in America’.

I may be mistaken for a Fox reporter and invited to afternoon tea.