I've been reflecting lately on just how lazy my mind has become. In the background has been an increasingly niggling thought that I could do so much more. I could know so much more. I've been lucky enough to be doing more work for these people so I'm slowly moving out of teaching which I'm very happy about.
I digress.
I got my basic Arts Degree and Diploma of Education many years ago and worked pretty constantly as a teacher ever since. Shortly after Mr Small was born I enrolled to study law but kept deferring. I knew that it was a dream that just wasn't "doable" with the demands of my family life. And really at the end of the day, they are my number one priority.
One of the things my forays into blogworld has taught me is just how diverse peoples beliefs and values are. And I love that. I love being challenged by people who think and believe different things to me. I'm open minded enough to reflect on these ideas and I am open to challenging my own beliefs.
But a recurring thought lately has been, what are those beliefs? Where do they come from? Can I defend them? And the answer is usually a pretty hazy, lazy one.
I was raised in a family of diverse religious beliefs. On my dad's side I have a grandfather who is a devout atheist. He is also a genius. I'm not exaggerating here. Chairman of British Telecom, Vice Chancellor of Essex University, a designer of the rapier missile, knighted by the Queen. I'm pretty proud of my grandfather and he can wipe the floor with me when we discuss religious beliefs.

On the other side my mother's mother (who passed away recently) who was a devout Catholic.

She went nowhere without her Rosary beads and read little devotional books constantly. In a strange twist of fate, actually the events should make me a candidate for the Oprah show, go on, ask me about it, I'm longing to tell you! she and my grandfather ended up sharing a home for ten years with never a cross word between them. Both respected and loved the other. Their beliefs may have diverged but their hearts were filled with love. I think that's wonderful.
I was raised Catholic but my time teaching in an Anglican school really highlighted for me that I like that too. I also disagree with alot of the fundamentals of the Catholic Church, but I really appreciate many of the beautiful elements of it too. I went through a stage where I read everything about Judaism I could get my hands on. If the overseas move comes off then expect to hear me talking about the history of Islamic faith too! One of the things I've noticed reading blogs is that alot of people talk about their Bible Studies or their Scripture Groups. I've never done any of that.
But I'm interested. I'd like to know more about the tenets on which my all too often shaky faith is built.
I'd like to be challenged, to be able to both ask and answer questions about something that isn't always tangible. My faith.
Right now I know what I believe, but I don't know why I believe it. And to me, that's not good enough anymore.
So I've decided no matter what happens, whether we move or not, I'm going to enrol in a course on Theology. I should be able to study by correspondence and it might help with my self discipline in terms of reading materials that are not limited to political biographies and or gossip columns yes I'm shallow and I am all too aware of it!
We still have no news about Qatar, we won't for a couple of weeks. That doesn't stop my pulse rate increasing exponentially every time the phone rings though. But I need to keep moving forward despite it. So tomorrow I will be phoning Notre Dame University. And I'll start making enquiries.
I'm not Doubting Thomas and doing this won't make me St Thomas More. But somewhere in between would be good I think.