A friend once said to me, that the anxiety she suffered from was like having a filter missing. I asked her to explain that, and she said that humans have a filter that enables them to cope with not only everyday life, but also the horrors we are bombarded with on the news and worldwide. When that filter is missing, the anxiety is overwhelming.
I have a huge tendency to be over-anxious. I've come to realise over the past year that exercise is my filter. Without it, I get anxious about everything.
This past week or so I haven't been able to exercise on doctors orders and the effects have been enormous. But every morning when I get up I spray my current favourite perfume Clinique's "Happy" on and verbalise my commitment to, you know, be happy.
For anyone who has suffered or huge loss, it's often on happy occasions we find ourselves taking deep breaths wondering if we do allow ourselves to be happy, will the world come crashing down around us? Because, it has before. I've written about one of those shattering occasions here.
Anyway, over the weekend we had a couple of family occasions where I had to do just that. I had to give myself permission to embrace the joy and laughter around me. And when I did.
Well it was just wonderful.
Firstly I should explain that I said good-bye to an old companion this week. It has become a bit toxic and it was decided we should part ways.

So I was left with this (and it's hiding alot of stitches) I'd just like to say I've had 3 c-sections and they weren't as sore as my arm has been. Just so you know. :)


To cheer myself up I went from this:

to this:

But the best bit of all was at my daughter's kindergarten picnic where we borrowed my parents vintage car, dressed my husband as Santa and he rode up and was surrounded by so many excited children. His extreme makeover was the best of all. Our own children didn't recognise him and days later they are still talking about Santa's visit. In the photo you can see I gave myself permission to be absolutely, ecstatically happy.

And you know what?
The sky didn't fall in.
Nothing bad happened.
And it probably won't.
But I will be very glad to get back to bootcamp next week once my stitches are out.
I miss my filter.