*Warning if you are easily offended, stop now. I have definitely been reading my Amy Sedaris book. Come back tomorrow after my mom calls and threatens to wash my mouth out with soap, I will be back to my normal non-inflamitory self.

When I was younger and first moved out on my own, I said a lot of badwords. I don't know if it was the thrill of being able to, or one of the hazards of my close proximity to a bunch of sailors {seriously} but I learned, and used some doozies.

However, since I have kiddos now, and since cussing in a blog post feels similar to cussing loudly in a crowded waiting room, I just don't do it. Besides, like I mentioned before, my mom reads this, and even though I have almost reached the three decade mark, she WOULD NOT BE PLEASED.

I guess I could have changed the name of my icing altogether, but it wouldn't quite be the same.  People might not remember my point, nor would I get the guilty pleasure of still being able to say @#*! in my head.

All joking aside, that's really what I call this icing.  I have my own special curse word I say in my head, but you can choose yours =)

This is the consistency of royal icing I use when I do one of three things...{there's a few other things but they are kind of complicated for this post}

• Wait til last minute to start on a set of cookies I have to get done
• Screw up REALLY badly {think scrape off and start over}
• Get bitten by that lazy bug that's been wandering around my house for a few years

It is thick enough that it will hold a border, but thin enough that it will flood, which saves you the very time consuming step of filling and prepping bags when in a hurry.

Just for the record, I prefer the pipe and fill method any day of the week, but this is, real life happened, I refuse to quote that Larry Guy, get it done icing.

I came up with a wacky way to explain consistency after a phone conversation with my friend Kandle a few days back.

She was thrilled because after two years of asking me about RI, she had finally caught a re-run of Martha and figured out what she had been doing wrong .


The conversation went something like this:

Kandle: I watched Martha and I saw that the icing had to be like liquid to get it flat like you do.

Me: What were you doing before?

Kandle: I was spreading it with that little spatula and trying to get it flat...

Me: *slaps head* Oh, Kandlearia!


Then came my lightbulb moment.  VISUALS HELP! So, that's what I am going to do today.

Normally, I would use the honey or molasses to describe consistencies.  However, as I went through my house looking for  molasses, I realized that most people, other than us serious bakers, don't just keep molasses lying around , and although lots of people have honey,  it's often crystallized from sitting in their pantry for aeons.

So, I went on the hunt.  I looked all through my house for everyday liquids that others could use as a reference on the perfect consistency for "Oh, @#*!" Icing.

I think that most people have at least one of these products somewhere in their house to refer to...



My favorite comparable consistency was this stuff...



This is what it looked like as I experimented.


And for those of you who can't bear to waste the expensive, weird-flavored kiddie paste *me*, I found these cool little containers at Dollar Tree.  I'm thinkin' Loren and I shop at the same place, right L?