I am delighted and slightly alarmed to hand over my bloggy wog to my sister Mrs Ryan today.
Mrs Ryan is my older sister. She a breeder of epic proportions, and not just of the human species. Mrs Ryan is a total animal lover. She has even hand fed Indian Mynah Birds that had been trapped in an Indian Mynah Eradication Program. She also became a total vegetarian, when at the age of 4 she asked Dad to take her to the Horse Riding School, as we drove past the knackers. Dad absentmindedly told her what the paddocks filled with horses was.........
Anyway, Welcome Mrs Ryan.
Mrs Woogs introduction may have you thinking that I am some sort of mad animal liberationist (not that there is anything wrong with that). In truth I am spurned by the proper vegetarians as I wear leather and my husband is a meat wholesaler, which makes me sound like I am into fetishes probably....
Anywho, we have been lucky enough to leave the heat of December in the western suburbs to accompany the Woog clan to its Balinese cat sitting assignment. Ryans and Woogs love cats and it stems from our father's love of pussy.
We Ryans have two cats at home, and so have embraced the cat sitting in Bali very enthusiastically. Ryans have so much in common with cats. We, like cats, tend to grow hair all over our bodies which makes us a favourite client with laser hair removal clinics.
Like cats, we Ryans enjoy sitting around in the sun, being scratched on the tummy and being waited on hand and paw.
The smaller Ryans can be playful and clumsy. Mr Ryan kills things and brings them home and I can turn from being charming to biting someones head off in the blink of an eye. We are so similar that Ryan probably means feline in Gaelic.
You can sense that the host cats of the villa are safe with us. Their only danger is from being patted to death and of course the omnipresent danger of the giant komodo dragons....
There are two giant dragons lurking in the depths of the tropical garden. Every garden should have one of these as having a monster in the garden allows a new dimension to threatening the children.
Imagine;
" Eat your breakfast/lunch/dinner quickly or the dragon will be attracted to it "
"Put your shoes away or the dragon will have babies in it"
We have not seen the dragons, but the host cat's staff say they are huge. They certainly are noisy. The geckos are also very noisy and the frogs are outrageously noisy. They are not as noisy as me when I see one, which is all the time. I saw a very small fat frog which was perfectly round (like Bert Newton) and it fell over when I squealed.
Another animal which took my fancy yesterday was the two headed dog. We were travelling with a car full of wet kids, surfboards, sunburn and sand, and had decided to pass the time by playing "Doggo" which is a version of "Spotto". Spotto is a game where you scream "Spotto" every time you see a yellow car. Is is a super relaxing travelling game. We think yellow cars have been outlawed because we never see any in Bali.
We were excelling at "Doggo" through the backstreets. Dogs of all shapes and sizes were all standing out on the road waiting for us to scream " Doggo" at them. Then I scored a triple "Doggo" when I saw two dogs, no..wait...it was three dogs...but two were joined together...but facing in opposite directions. Apparently this is what happens when dogs fall in love.
All the kids thought they were very clever and wanted to go back and look at the two headed dog again. We drove home and had a G&T instead.
I just hope the Komodo dragon does not have two heads and does not eat Santa.
