I spent much of the previous weekend in wild decluttering mode. I cleaned out wardrobes, toy boxes, cupboards and closets. Having been away for nearly two months it was like catching up with old friends as I found clothes I hadn't worn in forever.
In fact, some of them hadn't been worn for nearly two years.
I was too big, too self conscious, too blah, blah, blah.
But in the intervening months things have shifted. Not least my weight.
I don't want to be the woman who wears black ALL THE TIME. I don't want to be the woman who wears clothes that cover her from head to toe.
I'm not her anymore.
So I made a bet with myself that this week I would wear a dress.
Every single day.
And it's been so much fun! Dresses that I loved but felt too self conscious to wear have been dusted off and taken on the school run, to toy shops, light shops, work meetings. Hey I never said they were exciting trips.
But the funny thing was I felt great wearing them. When I looked in the mirror the usual internal dialogue about this being "too big" or that being "too small" was merely absent.
I was just a girl wearing a dress.
I felt lovely.
And that's all that matters in the end. How I feel. Not how I actually look or what other people think of what I'm wearing.
Why did it take me so long to get to this point?
Or is it that I've reclaimed something I lost a really long time ago? You know the little girl who loved to play dress up. The one who raids your old ball gowns and high heel shoes to totter round in. She looks hilarious and adorable at the same time. But she doesn't give a damn. She feels fabulous.
I feel like her again.
It's hard earned, but wonderful.
I'm going to do it again next week.