It's time to 'out' myself. Specifically, I'm going to burst out of the closet with perfectly coiffured hair, ultra-high heels, a magnificent dress and covered in bronzer, singing a Stevie Wonder song. At my entrance, Simon Cowell is so impressed that not only does he give me a standing ovation, but my singing moves him to make a declaration of undying love for Ryan Seacrest and they skip off into