This is a word that Mr Small has been using with increased frequency in recent weeks. Even when he extends his hand to receive the proffered object, he is usually saying "no" at the same time. It's confusing to say the least.
I wish I had his skill. It's become increasingly clear that I need to be more pro-active in regards to this word.
On a day where I attended a memorial mass for my aunt; followed by a meeting with my son's head-teacher; throw in swimming lessons; work tonight; a feature article to write and the fact I have to fit in a swim shortly to help out some of my team in their Bronze Medallion and it's no wonder I feel fraught.
I remember last year when I got involved in setting up a business scheme with two former colleagues. It was a great idea on the surface. Aren't they always? And things quickly spiralled. Suddenly we needed paperwork for this and that. We needed to do alot of groundwork and suddenly everything got complicated. And then one of them decided to pull out. She listed all the complications in her life and decided she simply couldn't add to it.
Initially I was furious. How could she "let us down" like that? And then I started thinking clearly. This was someone who was putting her needs and those of her family first.
This woman was smart. I was not being smart. So the pin was pulled on the idea.
As it was, I went ahead with a modified version of it myself and it was great.
And that's part of my problem, I let things spiral out of control.
I'm impulsive by nature. I'm reactive, for want of a better word.I also have this idea of not letting other people down.
I knew I'd over committed today. But last night, at the dry part of my Bronze Medallion Assessment (which I passed by the way) a couple of the girls were stressing about "the swim." This is the swim you have to do at the start of the course, 400 metres in 9 minutes. They hadn't made the time but they were allowed to carry on with the course on the proviso they redo it at the end and they HAVE to make the time to qualify.
Our final part of our exam is Saturday morning.
So last night I impulsively jumped in and offered to "pace them." This basically means I will (hopefully) help them match the pace they need to make the swim.
Between you and me I have no real clue if I can do this but I wanted to help.
Yes, I am a moron.
Why didn't I keep my stupid mouth shut?
And it is a stupid mouth. Today at least.
So on a night where all I want to do is curl up with my husband on the couch, did I mention I haven't seen him all week either? I'm heading down to the pool for this swim, then I'm pelting back to work.
I hope tonight teaches me to just STOP.
To just say no.
Because life should be more fun than this.
And right now it's not much fun at all.