Spring sprung here briefly and the man from Pizzeria Grado erected his wooden outdoor area in the street in preparation for the throngs of smokers who will appear as soon as the weather gets warm.
I saw him in the street the other day and told him that the food in his restaurant was terrific but that it was almost impossible for us to go in there because of the smoke. He shrugged. Why would he care? His job is to make money - not make non-smokers comfortable.
There are four staff and they all smoke. There are also always another two or three people who are friends and relatives of the staff – and they all smoke. The staff and hangers on have a big table next to the front door and they all sit there and smoke.
Most of the customers smoke. It is a situation that – as they say – is untenable for people like us who are allergic to smoke.
But we still occasionally get Pizzas to take away and they are quite good. I have finally worked out how to get a Pepperoni Pizza with extra Pepperoni and no crappy sloppy peppers on top. This was a major breakthrough.
A month or so ago I ate a frozen Pizza that I bought from Spar. This Pizza was made by Dr Oetker. This was the first frozen Pizza I have ever eaten and it was excellent. (I did of course heat it first). Dr Oetker and his family have been doing this since 1891 and I must say that they have nailed it!
To celebrate the imminent arrival of Spring I am erecting a new cat net. This is a more sophisticated structure than the existing one – which is simply a net stuck to the sides of the balcony with Gaffer tape – a most unseemly approach to an engineering problem. And indeed impossible without Gaffer tape which – it is my firm belief – is the world’s most useful item.
The inventor should certainly have been given the Nobel Prize for something (there is unlikely to be one for ‘sticking’). There are not too many jobs that cannot be enhanced with Gaffer tape. Ask Lenny!
I was inspired to do something more sophisticated by looking at William’s outdoor architectural achievements so am constructing an elaborate frame with plastic pipes. This will be a much more stable and presentable outcome than the existing contraption that looks like a web spun by a spider on Smack.
Cate has had a first look and says it is ‘Hideous’ – and – on the Hideousity Scale of 1-10 – is a Gold Plated 10. The was the result I expected and indeed when I was building the frame today with Sissi I said to her – ‘Cate will hate this – she will give it a 10’.
Sissi helped me by playing with the tape measure when I was trying to measure the pipes, stealing small but important items and hiding them under the stairs, batting the screws all over the floor and biting my hands when I was trying to use the screwdriver.
I was going to address a serious issue today but was overtaken by events. Now I know you have all heard of Cameltoe. These are a bit hard to describe so I refer you – as always – to the higher authority on these matters:
It will suffice to say that it is a strange world in which we live where people identify and quantify these random acts of nature. But – we have always had Cameltoes – I remember that Marilyn Monroe had the occasional Cameltoes – but what did we call the phenomenon then?
But – there is worse to come – I now give you Moose Knuckles
Who coined that term? The person is a genius. (It is from the 2005 Film The Weather Man).
The other thing I stumbled across is simply so preposterous that I cannot describe it. But it does perfectly encapsulate the world of fluff and nonsense that so many people inhabit. Try
vajazzling.
And finally - Cinnabon has reached the Bezirks of Wien. What can I say?
