Do you know the one I am talking about?
The rage one feels at oneself for not ......(insert your reason here)
Mr Small turns 2 this week. The little baby who nestled into the crook of my neck and snoozed, has become a toddler who nestles into my neck and more often than not, now pulls at my hair or speaks to me using words that are meaningless to anyone other than him.
And that's the problem.
I'm so angry with myself I'm almost shaking.
My two older children both had "delays" in speech and tests found the need for them to have grommets.
No problem.
This time round I ignored my instinct that maybe, just maybe something was wrong with Mr Small.
Instead I let people tell me how he was the third child. He doesn't need to speak because everyone does it for him.
Then last week I was at a childrens party and I got chatting with an audiologist.
I asked her how many words a child turning 2 should know.
Her casual reply was "At least 50"
Mr Small has 20
Maybe
Well 20 if you count "bum bum" as 2 words.
For the purpose of this I'm going to.
So I booked a hearing test for him 48 hours later.
I got the written copy of his hearing test today, and well, yeah.
Off to the ENT we go, followed by speech therapy.
I am not complaining about doing these things.
I WANT to do these things.
I'm just angry I didn't do them sooner.
I know in his world it doesn't matter a bit.
But it does to me.
And my heart hurts for failing him.
So for his second birthday later this week I'm getting him some grommets.
He'll LOVE that.