It is with much regret that I announce have parted ways with my good friends Benson and Hedges.

Eighteen years is a long time. They were there for me though nearly all the good and bad times. Never let me down. I was actually sad more than anything when i decided to quit - sad and frightened. Like a bit of you is missing. My smoking had slowly become my master. Maybe a bit like Stockholm Syndrome.

1. Denial and Shock - that i had make this decision for myself and i would not believe my mum had not talked me into it after all these years and lectures.
2. Pain and Guilt - that i was abandoning something that was so entrenched in me
3. Anger and Bargaining - so i will not quit - just cut down to a few a day - 15 max.
4. Reflection and Loneliness - oh the loneliness is palpable - along with my heart after sucking down fags day after day.
5. Upward Turn - my aunt lived to 95 and smoked a carton a day.
6. Working though - reasons to quit far out way reasons to keep smoking.
7. Acceptance and Hope - I have set a quit date and i hope I can stick to it.

As the years go by, I have noticed less people smoke. None of the cool 36 year old chicks are doing it. Also stood next to Kyle Sandi lands at the airport recently outside as we both puffed away. He is a big time loser. Enough to put you off the fags, and peroxided tips, and Big Macs, and 3 day growth, and a strong sour odour. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW.

But i did decide to quit because i never thought i would be a smoker when I grew up - and it was time to grow up. It has been a week now. I do not feel much different yet. Am mildly irritated as a general state of being. I have more time on my hands I suppose. My chest does not hurt when i take deep breaths which must be advantageous.

The good news is I have replaced smoking with Blogging (OOH! Look at me - so cool now i am blogging. WTF!) and also with Allen's Retro Party Mix Family Size - am going to end up the size of a small family myself but have given myself a fortnight of eating anything I want as a thanks for not self-choking anymore.

Things I miss about smoking include smoking.

If they make fags that did not kill you I would so be in.

Sick of "blogging" which is just stupid Gen Y fancy word for writing. Want a fag. Mood swing swiftly changing - better go change my patch.