I'd want to have smarts on the bench, thus Friedrich Nietzsche, Manager.



Batting leadoff and playing Second Base, Harriet Tubman. Don't let her get on base! No one saw the Underground Railroad, and you won't see her til she's crossing home on a sacrifice fly.



Batting second and playing Third Base, Pluto. Everybody forgets about Pluto... then BAM!, it's standing on third with a triple.



Batting third and playing Shortstop, The Golden Gate Bridge. I figure no hits will get by this mess o' cables, and the Bridge is pretty powerful--all that steel--that it would be a crime not to put it in the heart of the order.



Batting clean up and playing Center Field, Bigfoot Monster Truck. Monster trucks can cover a lot of ground, make impressive flying leaps, stunning crashes, and perhaps best of all, tear up the base paths and do celebratory donuts on the way back to the dugout after a home run.



Batting fifth and playing First Base, Allen Fisher. The 25-time arm wrestling champion should be able to make snap tags on runners, and carry an intimidating bat in the number five hole.



Batting sixth and playing Left Field, Davy Crockett. Left field, in my estimation, is the baseball equivalent to the wild frontier. Crockett should feel right at home.



Batting seventh and catching, Frederick Douglass. Douglass is a great on-field leader, sending signs to the pitcher and other players. He stinks at the plate.


Batting eighth and playing Right Field, The Gateway Arch. Gateway's father owns the team. Team would do better defensively to not have a right fielder. Terrible at the plate.



Batting ninth and pitching, James Fenimore Cooper. Coop brings the heat on five pitches: fastball, spitball, curve, change-up, and the Chingachgook (sort of like an old-fashioned Gyro-ball pitch).



Pinch Hitter, Kosuke Fukudome. You know, just in case.