I've never seen anyone look so depressed about leaving the Kansas City Royals. Poor Melancholy Bo, sittin there in his Ray-Bans and gripping what is either a towel that he chews between innings like Jerry Tarkanian or a screenplay to his life story.
I definitely see this image as the first frame of a low-key, woe-is-me musical montage in Bo Knows: The Bo Jackson Story where Bo breaks into a heartfelt, smooth-as-velvet rendition of "My Funny Valentine." The montage would show him in the dugout, in post-game interview in the locker room, staring off into space while dining alone after hours at a swank restaurant (with all the waiters lined up behind him, just like in The Godfather), and sitting by a window in a smoking jacket with a glass of wine on a rain-soaked night.
At the end of the montage, he'd probably be out walking his lovable Jack Russell terrier when he bumps into Robin Givens or Vivica Fox and his life is changed forever. And of course before the movie ends there's a scene where he's sitting on his bed in his basement apartment, practicing scales on his trumpet in his tried-and-true wife beater and bathrobe, cane resting beside him.
Like most kids my age, my admiration for Bo Jackson was legendary. I mean, this guy could do it all. And then all of a sudden he was just another player. And then, not too long after that, he was retired, shaken up by bad knees. I want there to be a made-for-TV movie done about his life, replete with the requisite son or grandson-on-knee not stealing/not having sex/not fighting/good grades/visitation rights speech that starts "You think you know?" and ends with (of course) "Bo's been there. Bo knows."
I'm thinking we could get Jamie Foxx to play Bo, and if he doesn't want to stoop to the small screen, then I guess we could settle for 50 Cent. Get Rich or Die Tryin' didn't fare so well, and going up against Kanye West didn't really pan out, either. Doing a cut-rate Bo Jackson biopic might just net him the international fame he's always dreamt of winning.
This trade comes in from Mike in Bethel, Connecticut.
Giving: Albert Pujols, #6; Francisco Liriano, #167 (red back)
Getting: Bo Jackson, 1991 Topps Traded; David Ortiz, 1999 Upper Deck MVP; Kirby Puckett, 2002 UD World Series Heroes; Cool Papa Bell, 2001 UD Cooperstown Collection; Latin Stars, 1993 Upper Deck
I'm calling this trade 'Latin Stars and Shades of Bo.'
First I want to focus on the Latin Stars combo card from the vastly underrated 1993 Upper Deck set. The copy on the back is all about the massive amounts of home runs each hit in 1992, and how they'd keep poundin them out forever. What's also of note is that Pudge, Juan Gone and Raffy all look like relatively normal big leaguers, while Canseco looks like a wall of bulk. ... and two quick notes on Canseco: First a theoretical question. Let's say Canseco played out his days without taking steroids. Would he still have been remembered as the more productive identical Canseco twin? Second, do you think the roids did anything to Jose's hair? Seriously, how come his hairstyle never seemed to change over his entire career? Also, can we re-name the sports flat-top/mullet 'The Canseco'? Or has Jaromir Jagr already laid claim?... what was I saying? Oh yeah, the mid-Nineties Rangers. I guess there's not much more to add.
There's plenty to say about this card of Bo Jackson. So much, in fact, that I'm going to give it its own post as the Fantastic Card of the Day.
This trade comes in from our old friend Dave in Vermont.
Giving: JD Drew, #47; Scott Rolen, #91
Getting: Doug Bird, 1983 Topps Traded; Dick Drago, 1979 Topps
The funny thing about the Red Sox from 1978 to 1984 is that they had at least five pitchers who looked exactly the same from the neck up. Let's look back together: Dick 'The Dragon' Drago: white guy with a mustache; Mark Clear: white guy with a mustache; Dennis Eckersley: white guy with a mustache; Doug Bird: white guy with a mustache; Bruce Hurst: white guy with a mustache. I'll stop at five, but I haven't even mentioned Steamer Stanley.
The Bird/Dragon twofer is countered with two Phillie malcontents (Drew and Rolen). Drew kind of looks like Bud Bundy on this card.