Dear Mr. McGriff,

First off, if you're reading this, let me just step back and say: Awesome. But, if you're reading this on a laptop with a flashlight under the covers in bed next to your wife, let me just step back and say: You are not seven years old. Turn off the laptop and make love to your wife.

Second, I think I owe you an apology. I started writing The Tao of Fred McGriff with the intention of posting daily for 99 days. But frankly, I don't think I have 99 things to say about you. Yes, you were a great hitter. Yes, you have a World Series ring. Yes, you'll get my vote for the Hall of Fame (though I technically don't have a vote to give. Let's just say I'm with you in spirit). Yes, you hit a ridiculous amount of home runs in an era when other feared sluggers were juiced. And yes, you had a failed TV pilot that I want to see.

If you've read this blog in the past, you know I like expounding on the intricacies of baseball and baseball cards ad nauseam. But 99 things is a lot. I'm not complaining, I'm just giving up.


Let's sum up The Tao of Fred McGriff:

1. Revel in your underratedness.
2. When faced with a silly nickname, accept it and make it your own.
3. If you make a TV pilot that someone might describe as "Major League meets Blade," prepare for it to end up on YouTube.
4. Each of us is worthy of a cult following.
5. Consistency should be rewarded.
6. Whatever it is, it's worth the wait.
7. Don't stress out about face fat. You too will end up with a turkey wattle.
8. Making a photo frame that's magnetic and that looks like a plaque in the Hall of Fame is not only a great gift, but probably the closest many of us will ever get to the real thing.
9. Most of us haven't realized it yet, but we all owe a great deal to Tom Emanski.

From Fred McGriff's entry on wikipedia.org:

"In 2000, the production company Rocco's Jobbers produced a pilot for a television series based loosely on McGriff and the "Crime Dog" nickname. The concept of the series revolved around a professional baseball player who moonlighted as a crime-fighting vigilante named "The Crime Dog". The project was a major creative and financial disaster, failing to get picked up by any networks. It is believed that McGriff himself has the only surviving copy of the pilot episode, which was given to him by his friend and former teammate, David Wells. On casting sheets used to promote the project, the comedy-action series was described as "Major League meets Blade", referencing two successful movie franchises. Kirk Jones, who played the titular character in Blade: The Series in 2005, was cast as The Crime Dog in the pilot.

McGriff has appeared in commercials for Tom Emanski Baseball Training videos on ESPN since 1991, which are still aired to this day on the network (one of television's longest running commercials ever). Because of the frequency and longevity of the Emanski commercials, ESPN analyst Kenny Mayne coined a second, less used nickname for McGriff, "Baseball Superstar", as he was referenced in the commercials as "Baseball Superstar Fred McGriff."

That's a lot to digest, but one thing's for certain: my admiration of the man just grew ten-fold. Like every other sports fan trawling late-night ESPN for west coast scores, I was aware of the Emanski commercials where McGriff walks stiffly across the diamond while juvenile automatons field an endless series of soul-crushing grounders.

I was not, however, aware of the failed pilot. I need to see that show. Should I make it my goal to a) get McGriff to acknowledge the existence of The Baseball Card Blog and b) get him to send me a copy of the tape?

Um, yes. Definitely.