I read a post about this some months ago and it stayed with me ever since. The writer talked about fuel and filler. I knew exactly what she meant. I refer to them as "mundane" and "magic" moments.
I need the magic to counter balance the many mundane moments. You know, the ones where the constant low grade grizzling of an over tired toddler just grinds you down on an industrial scale, or the tears that flow from a daughter for whom waterworks come as easily as breathing.
The mundane is the after school reading, it's the dinner preparation and the battle to get them to "JUST EAT YOUR GREENS dammit ,"and it's making the lunches for school the next day even though I'm tired but I know if I don't make then it will be even more rushed and stressful than it already is. And so  I frantically scrabble through the fridge to find something to put in the sandwich that isn't vegemite. Again.
The older I get the more I've learned that I need to create my own magic. The effort is often worth the result. The escape with my husband and parents to a Christmas cookery course. It's throwing caution to the wind and enjoying some delicious sparkling wine and toasting a friend's fabulous and richly deserved success.

It's the going for a run when the frustrations with a world I can't control overcomes me. On the run the magic courses through me and suddenly I'm all powerful. I'm in charge. I let my thoughts run riot and words that were swirling in my head magically dissipate and all there is left is calm. Focus and calm.
And I'm not looking at here anymore.


I'm looking  here.

And up there?
That's where the magic is.
And I can go home again to face the mundane and know that there will be magic again.
Very soon.