It's almost too good to be true: before-and-after cards of Roger Clemens from the early Nineties.

Do you think that when it's all said and done, Roger will build a secret lab in his basement and pump himself silly with growth hormone? I like to think that he will skip the steroids and have retractable alloy adamantium Wolverine claws installed in his arms, so that when he has reason to be angry he can really go ballistic.

And maybe someone could slip Mike Piazza a pill that would make super-powerful, red optic blasts come out of his eyes. That way, when Old Man Wolverine Clemens comes to pick a fight, Piazza-clops will be there to meet the challenge... at least before Wolverine Clemens rips Piazza-clops' arms out of their sockets.

I might pay to watch that on pay-per-view.