Last Saturday Steph and I were at home, entertaining some friends when I stepped outside to take a call. I took the opportunity to check the mail and, damn, did I get the surprise of my life. Java died. I have the condolence card from my vet to prove it!

But, there's one problem: Java is still alive and kicking! Perhaps because it was Easter weekend he had been resurrected (if you can believe in such fallacies)? Probably not.

It appears as if there was some mistake at the vet. While I love the vet herself, her staff is pretty dumb. There is more than one Java that visits our vet clinic and the vet herself often refers to Java as "she" instead of "he" before quickly correcting herself and mentioning, yet again, that she sees multiple Javas of different genders. (This is especially humorous when Java is prone, legs in the air, displaying his junk for all to see. Perhaps she's not aware what a penis is? Maybe the twig without berries is confusing? Who knows!?) Apparently her staff has somehow mixed up the records for Java (with twig, no berries) and Java (no twig or berries), hence the condolence card to Java (with twig, no berries). Needless to say, the vet was quite embarrassed when we called to alert her to her (his?) mistake.

Next time I get a dog I am giving it a unique name so that this kind of situation doesn't happen again. Perhaps we'll use one of the baby names we considered and quickly threw away, such as S'phyllis or Lemonjello... only time will tell.