So, considering the fact that Coach was a football coach, one would expect him to have been on the phone quite a bit. I mean, certainly he’d have to be talking to that bald athletic director boss of his quite a bit on the phone, and probably he’d also be calling up recruits on the phone, and probably making dinner plans with Christine on the phone, and you can imagine that after Luther did some screwy thing that made coach mad he’d call Luther up on the phone and be like: “Get in my office right now Luther!” and then Luther would come in sheepishly and make some hilarious jokes, but for some reason I can’t seem to remember any phones whatsoever from the show. In fact, if we think about the places where we see Coach (usually either his office or in the Coach Haven) we realize that about half the time there does not even exist the POSSIBILITY of a phone call (the Coach Haven being hell of rustic). I wonder if maybe Craig T. Nelson was a terrible actor on the phone; like he just couldn’t act natural and he never knew what to do with the other hand (the one not holding the phone) and his intonation sounded hell of stilted because he wasn’t actually talking to anybody else. But this doesn’t seem that logical, because I bet there could have been hilarious situations where Dauber was in the office and Coach gets a call about some stupid zany thing that he did and you can just see Coach getting madder and madder while he’s looking at Dauber and Dauber’s just looking more and more guilty and maybe like sinking in to his chair or looking at some trophies or something on the wall. Man, that would have been hilarious.

So what the hell, Coach. What do you have against phones?